Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED

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UPDATE: NEVER MIND! LUCASFILM CRUSHED THAT SITE LIKE A BUG.

Here is something you didn't know about Mike Fasolo!

Mike likes SOUP!

Mike could eat soup for every single meal.

If 7-Eleven sold soup in 32-oz. cups, like this INCREDIBLE HULK BIG GULP pictured at left, then Mike would never need to shop anywhere else!

Personally I think a meal of soup is like drinking a glass of water for dinner. BLEARGH. But Mike sure does love a big bowl of soup.

And he hates pizza.

Mike is WEIRD.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Call it a passing of the torch.

Jared Fogle, who previously weighed 780 pounds and thought nothing of subsisting on beef and chocolate for days on end, has officially relinquished his role as Subway spokesman to Mike Fasolo.

Since Fasolo rarely updates his blog, few people knew that his weight ballooned to 410 pounds as recently as October. However, by having a delicious Subway sub for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- and playing Ultimate Frisbee on weekends -- Fasolo was able to get down his present 150 pounds in a matter of months.

"Subway welcomes Mike Fasolo to the Subway family," said a nonexistent Subway spokeswoman.

However, scientists say it's important Fasolo doesn't lose too much more weight. Below is an artist's rendition of Fasolo if he were to lose just 15 more pounds.

Mike still loves you...just not enough to post on his blog. :(

Hey, anyone see the Sarah Silverman Program on 10/10/07?

In an early scene Sarah is sitting on a park bench with her dog...who just happens to be licking his anus.


Since this is the third time she's seen him do this she asks, "What is so delicious about that?"

So she picks up her dog and licks his bunghole.

Then she believes tennis balls are green. Hmmm...could there be some correlation between these two events?

Lick a dog's chocolate starfish...see tennis balls as green (when in reality they are yellow).

I wonder what Tom, Stephen Spielberg and everyone else who sees tennis balls as green have been doing in their spare time?

Hide your dogs, my friends. Or at least cover their poopers.

Hey, anyone see that Sarah Silverman Program on Wednesday?

In an early scene, Sarah and her sister Laura have just finished playing tennis.



Laura says:

"Tennis is so strange. Like, I'll be really into the game and enjoying myself. But then all of a sudden it's like I leave my body and I just think, 'I'm smacking a green ball, that's all I'm doing.'"

First Steven Spielberg, now Sarah Silverman! Who's next? Suzanne Somers?

Is the tennis ball green in the Bee Movie poster? Yes. I will freely admit that. Do green tennis balls exist? Yes. I’ve already admitted that in a previous post. There are green tennis balls…and red…and blue...and multicolored ones. Today’s technology allows tennis ball manufactures to make many colors. But are tennis balls actually green?


No. Tennis balls are YELLOW.

But I guess, according to Tom and Stephen Spielberg – mostly Tom – as long as this poster, Stephen Spielberg and Hollywood say that tennis balls are green then that is the truth. ‘Cause Hollywood would never use a movie to tell us something that isn't true, would it?

Oh, wait…isn’t that what they do?



Remember the movie Deep Impact? I bet Stephen Spielberg does. Giant asteroid headed toward earth. Caused lots of chaos and destruction. Destroyed cities, killed people, kid outran a tidal wave on a little scooter, whole world thrown into ruin? Yeah, that one. I could be wrong, and feel free to correct me if I am, but I don’t think that really happened. If it did, well, wouldn’t there be a lot more ruin in the world? And wouldn’t the news have reported on the giant asteroid hitting the earth in 1998? I don't recall any such reports.

Stephen Spielberg said it happened in one of his movies though. So it must have happened. Right, Tom? It must be the truth.




But how's this for a deal though? Tom, if you can find me the actual giant asteroid that hit the earth in 1998 and show me the hole it made and all the chaos and destruction that it caused then I will admit Stephen Spielberg tells the truth in his movies and I will consider the possibility that I am wrong.

But until that day tennis balls are still YELLOW. And if Stephen Spielberg says that tennis balls are GREEN then he must be WRONG just like everyone who says they’re green.

Sorry Steve.

Remember Mike's rant about tennis balls being yellow? He seemed pretty sure of himself. In fact, if you think tennis balls are green, Mike called you "stupid"!

Soon afterward, this massive billboard went up along Highland Avenue in Hollywood, promoting the new DreamWorks release Bee Movie. Why, it's almost as if Steven Spielberg hit Mike Fasolo in the face with a pie, then kicked Mike in the balls!

See the bee on the billboard? That's a yellow bee. No disputing that. Bees are yellow.

See the tennis ball behind the bee? Well, the tennis ball isn't yellow. The BEE is yellow. What color is the tennis ball?

GREEN.

Yep, that's a giant yellow bee about to be crushed by an UNDENIABLY GREEN TENNIS BALL.

As if for emphasis, the entire billboard is underlined with a yellow stripe.

So why does Steven Spielberg hate Mike Fasolo? To the best of my knowledge, Steven and Mike have never met. So why did Steven just slap Mike in the face with this new billboard?

Shame on you, Steven Spielberg!

There’s been quite a debate raging among my friends lately. What we’ve been arguing about is a very simple question.

WHAT COLOR ARE TENNIS BALLS??

The two answers that come up the most are Yellow and Green. Of course, anyone who can actually see in color will clearly and quickly state that they are yellow (because they are.) Anyone who doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about will say Green.

For those of you who say Green I will try to use words that are easy to grasp and pictures for you to look at.

This is Yellow. As you can see this is also a Tennis Ball.


Now if you look below you will see what most people refer to as the color Green. It is also a Tennis Ball. Would you call this a yellow tennis ball? No you wouldn't. Why? Because it's green.

They also make Orange, Red, Blue and Purple tennis balls. Should we call these green as well? I guess according to some people we should.


Let's look at the picture below. There are FOUR DIFFERENT color balls here. Yellow, Green, Red and Blue. They are clearly different colors. Anyone who would say there are only Red, Blue and Green balls should really get their eyes and their brains checked.


C'mon, people. Open your eyes. Let in the light...and the color. Tennis balls are yellow.

I'm glad you asked that question. It turns out that Mike has been having SPECTACULAR ADVENTURES!

It all started one unemployed day when Mike threw his wallet in a dumpster by accident. While digging around for his wallet, he found one of those Hollywood fat suits used for Eddie Murphy movies.

A bell went off in Mike's head. Ding!

With a little makeup, a homemade costume and his newly acquired fat suit, Mike became UNCLE DUDLEY, a member of the Captain Marvel family! (If you are a layperson, Captain Marvel is better known as Shazam.)

Mike was convinced that once he stopped a mugging as Uncle Dudley, he could fool the Marvel Family into letting him join up with him. That might involve murdering the real Uncle Dudley and hiding his body under some high school bleachers, but Mike decided he would cross that bridge when he got to it.

What were the advantages of joining the Marvel Family? Well, they have a sweet-ass hot tub. It's true, it's in the comics. (Whiz Comics #352, Jan. 1954)

Mike immediately ran out into the street to search for crimes to thwart, but he was distracted by the nearest Wienerschnitzel. So instead of fighting bad guys, Mike ate a chili cheese dog and some chili fries and washed it all down with a raspberry iced tea.

Hell of a blog, huh? Well, if Mike's not going to try very hard, I'm not either.

The SHAZAM END!