Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED: May 2005

After a year of ignoring me and my roomie the magical couch fairies are making up for it in spades. We woke up to find another new couch in our living room!

This one comes with its own ottoman.

So now we have three couches (including the dirty one we originally had) and an ottoman.

I guess the couch fairy's felt pretty bad about not helping us out for so long so they also delived a lamp...

...and a 60' plasma screen TV!

So now we can sit on our new couches and watch our new TV with some new light! It's awesome!
Go Magical Couch Fairies!

When I first returned to work they gave me my own office...woohoo! But then they threw in about a zillion boxes full of paperwork...booo! But now they've decided that I need something more in my crowded office...chairs! Yep. Apparently no office is complete without 12 or 13 extra chairs.

Why are these chairs here? Good question. When I asked, the answer I got was, "Because that's where they're going?" My response was, "Have you actually been in my office?" I got a smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and, "That's where they're going." Nice.
Being the adaptable and flexible kinda guy I am I figured how bad hard could it be getting into a small office completely overstuffed with chairs? I'm thin and flimsy. I can manage.
This is me desperately trying to get to my desk.

This is me surrounded by the chairs...because "that's where they're going."

This is me desperately trying to get out of the office after drinking two 7 11 Big Gulps at lunch.

Luckily the chairs are faux leather so things wiped up easily.
Anyway I figured if I have all these chairs and boxes I should at least have some meetings.

Those in attendance of my meeting: King Kong, Albert Einstein, Bill Clinton, Clarence (don't know who he is. he just showed up), Jesus and Captain Jean Luc Picard. Picard had to leave halfway through because the Husnack were back and attacking the Enterprise. So we replaced him with Geoff Chandler.

I'm not a fan of meetings but this was a great one. Then we all went out for Rosco's Chicken and Waffles. Woohoo!

I've been at work for a little over a week now and as you can see my blogging has suffered. Work has taken away from all the fun that life has to offer. Instead of sleeping late or going on quests through washing machines or hanging with Dorky Duck I sit in an office schleping through tons and tons of paperwork that no one really wants to deal with.

I try my best to get everything done but the paperwork never stops. They just keep piling it up and up and up and even when it collapses on top of me they continue bringing it.

I try my best to get away. I usually resort to hiding, hoping that they won't notice me.

Sometimes I simply crawl under my desk and pray they won't remember I'm at work.

But it never works. They always find me.
This shouldn't be my life!
I should be out dancing in the fields.

I should be having galactic adventures!

I should be Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED!!!!
*sigh*
But life goes on. And I can't let them break me. I must stand strong and firm! I must realize what is important! A line must be drawn!
Blog or Work?
If those are my only two choices...then I CHOOSE BLOG!

We got a couch!

And it's huge!

It only took a year to get one. And the best part is we didn't even have to buy it. The magical couch fairy's finally took pity on me and my roomie and delivered a couch to our apartment while we were at work. We came home to a magical, wonderful, comfortable surprise!

Words can't express my joy so I will just show you pictures.






And now...my New Couch Happy Dance!

Yay new couch!

People are always curious about the whole Robot Chicken experience. What the people are like, what the office is like, where is the office located, what's the exact address, what's the phone number, what time I leave work, what type of car do I drive, etc. Yeah, sometimes that gets a little creepy. I figured since I'm back at work now I could give you a little tour of the office but I was ordered not to by our security people (who you will see later). But they did say I could show you a bit of the outside grounds and some of the people that wander the halls of Robot Chicken.

This is the view from our front door.

Kinda sucks, doesn't it? The water's not even heated and they didn't put nice sand down at the bottom to cushion our feet when we go in. Too much money, they said.

Before we all got hired we were asked what we wanted for the office to make it better. The vast majority of people voted for a pool table or a ping pong table or a jacuzzi, but they were ignored. Instead the company thought it would be best to build us a jousting arena where we could "have some good clean fun during breaks." Oh, and they made it mandatory that we all joust.

This is me on my horse "Flatulence."

How can they make you joust, you ask? Believe me, they can. If you don't they send the two heads of security after you. Daisy and Belial.

From the picture you'd think that Belial would be the one to watch out for, but Daisy is really the one to fear. She'd be more than happy to rip your duodenum out through your ear or any other orifice she can reach into for the slightest transgression.

This is the rest of the security force on our show.

We were all specifically told never to talk to them or give them gummy bears and never, ever to ask exactly what they are. I've heard whispers about cloning, DNA manipulation and generational inbreeding. They stay mostly to themselves except when called into action. Daisy uses them a lot to "keep the peace" as she says. They chase you down, drag you out back and string you up in this harness thingy then leave you out in the sun where small children can throw rocks at you until you beg for mercy.

This poor girl was caught for picking her nose and wiping a booger on her desk. Disgusting, yes, but worth all the torture? I think not.

Anyway, that about covers the tour of the office and people that I'm allowed to show. I must be off now because I have to get ready for another of my jousting tournaments...ugh.

9:00am. Hard at work.

Today is the saddest day of all. My last official day of unemployment. Tomorrow May 12, 2005 I begin work again. I realized this when I woke up this morning and it nearly made me cry.

There would be no more sleeping till noon then rolling over and going back to sleep because I didn't have anything else to do. Starting tomorrow I'll have to get up at some ungodly hour and actually stay up because I have to go to work.
I made myself some oatmeal in the hopes it would make me feel better, but it didn't. It only made me sadder.

Every morning from here on out I wouldn't just be eating a leisurly breakfast, I'd be eating quickly because I would have to get to work on time. Thinking about all of this got me so depressed I simply sat down on my dirty couch and held onto Dorky Duck for comfort.

While I was sitting there I realized there would be no more free money either. After an hour or two of contemplating this I managed to drag myself to the phone to cancel my free money checks.

After that my brain was pretty much fried. I curled up into the fetal position on the floor and wept like a small child after watching a puppy get throw into a woodchipper.

When my roomie came home and saw me like this he laughed and said, "Welcome back to the working world, Jerky Pants!"
I didn't think that was very nice of him.

The rest of the day was a blur of blurry images as I saw them through my tears. No more sleeping late. No more time to sit around and do nothing. No more free money. And what's to become of this blog? It is called Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED. I won't be unemployed anymore. Must I bid farewell to everyone?

What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

This truly is the saddest day of all.

Where have I been? The better question woudl be "Are you absolutely insane for doing what you did?" My time of unemployment is quickly coming to a close and I knew if I didn't go out and do something I'd be pretty much stuck in or around LA for another year. So I took all my money that I got for doing nothing and set off on a trip around the world!

My first destination was to Australia's Great Barrier Reef. I'd never been to the land down unda and I figured while I was there I might as well swim the reef. Unfortunately I didn't take into account the shark problem.

Luckily I'm kinda thin and flimsy so I got swallowed instead of chewed on. How did I get out? Well, let's just say that I was happy to be in the water to wash myself off. As soon as I hit dry land I was off again. I'd been to the waters so now I was taking a trip to a place where there was no water - The Sahara Desert.

That's me digging myself out of the hole I slept in after my camel ran away with my water. I happened upon some nomads who were kind enough to get me back to civilization. And it only cost me 41 million drakmas, which is equal to about $1.38 in US dollars. Not a bad deal.
Then from the desert wastelands to the arctic wastlands. I hadn't realized how cold it would get in Antarctica. I was completely unprepared. Fortunately I was taken pity on by a mama Emperor Penguin and her hubby. They kept me warm and dry.

And I discovered that regurgitated fish is actually very tasty.
The land of the rising sun - Japan - was my next place to visit. While there I did a good deed and took care of one of Tokyo's biggest pest problems.

Then it was off to the jungles of Borneo to hunt one of the most elusive, cunning and feared animals this world has to offer. He got the jump on me but again I was saved by my lack of meatiness.

Like a pathetic fish, I was tossed by the wayside for being too small to even bother eating. And after that I realized I really wasn't cut out for this type of traveling life. I'm better adapted to sleeping late and eating Ho Ho's. So I came home, beaten, battered and broken...but better for having had the experiences.

I got up yesterday and noticed that I'm pretty pale. I'm in California, land of eternal sunshine, and I'm pale. That just won't do. So I got out of bed and sat by my window, as I do every morning, and took some time to contemplate life and everything.

When I was done with that, I did my daily facial exercises. These basically consist of making faces at myself in the mirror. They're to help keep the facial muscles in tone.

Then I grabbed my suntan lotion and my new, pretty purple hat and headed down to the beach to get myself some sun. While I was there my hat drew some attention because it's a Versace original design and I had to give an interiew to some reports who happened to be passing by.

As I was giving the interview I heard some people screaming and looked down the beach only to see that a fire had broken out in one of the beach houses! There were firetrucks on the way but I ran to see if I could help. When I got there I found out that a gas main had fractured. As the firefighters were running into the house the gas main completely exploded. The firefighters were thrown back. But the fire wasn't out. I grabbed the firehose on the truck and did what I could to help.

Unfortunately this wasn't the kind of fire that could simply be put out by water. I had to come up with another way. I noticed that the beach house had a couple of those pillars with those huge round stones on top. I pulled one free and ran it into the house as fast as I could.

It was really heavy but I managed to get it in and drop it on top of the gas main, which plugged up the fire. I waited around until another firetruck arrived to take care of the rest of the blaze. After that I was kinda tired so I went home and took a nap.

The great thing about all of this was that while I was in the fire I kinda got a little burned, which later turned into a nice tan. So, in the end, everything worked out nicely.

A Girl. My Bed. Nice!

I had to make an emergency pit stop today after I walked to the store. It was one of those run down, hole in the wall, gas stations that you're kind of afraid to go into unless it's a desperate situation.

Well, the situation called for it. I did what I had to do and left as quickly as I could. I was on the stairs of my apartment building when I noticed that something had followed me home.

He was just a little guy. Couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 sheets old. He was scared too. And there was a little bit of a corner torn off, as if he'd been in a fight somewhere along the way. I felt really bad for him. He was so small and thin. I figured it would be best if I didn't try to force him to come with me. Instead I tried to coax him. After a few minutes he started to follow along. I got him down the hall and into my apartment.

He was pretty skittish at first. He hid behind the couch for a long time.

But eventually he came out and began to look around. When he was feeling more comfortable I introduced him to some of the older generation.

They made him feel right at home.
He's starting to seem pretty comfortable here. I'm really glad he tagged along and came with me. No one needs to call that horrible gas station home. And he's a good little guy. He's very quiet and very clean.

So I think I'll keep him...at least until he's old enough to be out on his own.