Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED

2009!

2009-01-04T20:36:00.001-08:00

Does anyone even read Fasolo, Mike: UNEMPLOYED anymore? Probably not, seeing how I rarely post. I know at least one person who has his Google alert set for anything Mike Fasolo oriented will at least swing by (Hi Matt!).

Anyway, it's the start of a brand new year so I figured I'd give the old blog a shot. Do I have anything to talk about? Nah. Any pictures to post? Not really. Did I make any resolutions for the new year? Nope.

It's just something to limber up the fingers. Maybe it'll get me back into the blogging and entertaining world.

Who knows? But it is 2009 - a brand new year. Change is coming. We'll just have to wait and see just what kind of change it is.

A new Mike Fasolo adventure!

2008-06-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

CLICK HERE to learn more!

UPDATE: NEVER MIND! LUCASFILM CRUSHED THAT SITE LIKE A BUG.

Fun Mike Food Facts

2008-06-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

Here is something you didn't know about Mike Fasolo!

Mike likes SOUP!

Mike could eat soup for every single meal.

If 7-Eleven sold soup in 32-oz. cups, like this INCREDIBLE HULK BIG GULP pictured at left, then Mike would never need to shop anywhere else!

Personally I think a meal of soup is like drinking a glass of water for dinner. BLEARGH. But Mike sure does love a big bowl of soup.

And he hates pizza.

Mike is WEIRD.

Subway announces new spokesman

2008-03-19T17:11:00.001-07:00

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Call it a passing of the torch.

Jared Fogle, who previously weighed 780 pounds and thought nothing of subsisting on beef and chocolate for days on end, has officially relinquished his role as Subway spokesman to Mike Fasolo.

Since Fasolo rarely updates his blog, few people knew that his weight ballooned to 410 pounds as recently as October. However, by having a delicious Subway sub for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- and playing Ultimate Frisbee on weekends -- Fasolo was able to get down his present 150 pounds in a matter of months.

"Subway welcomes Mike Fasolo to the Subway family," said a nonexistent Subway spokeswoman.

However, scientists say it's important Fasolo doesn't lose too much more weight. Below is an artist's rendition of Fasolo if he were to lose just 15 more pounds.

Mike still loves you

2008-01-30T11:15:00.000-08:00

Mike still loves you...just not enough to post on his blog. :(

Tongues+Brown Eyes=Green Tennis Balls

2007-11-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

Hey, anyone see the Sarah Silverman Program on 10/10/07?

In an early scene Sarah is sitting on a park bench with her dog...who just happens to be licking his anus.

Since this is the third time she's seen him do this she asks, "What is so delicious about that?"

So she picks up her dog and licks his bunghole.

Then she believes tennis balls are green. Hmmm...could there be some correlation between these two events?

Lick a dog's chocolate starfish...see tennis balls as green (when in reality they are yellow).

I wonder what Tom, Stephen Spielberg and everyone else who sees tennis balls as green have been doing in their spare time?

Hide your dogs, my friends. Or at least cover their poopers.

Why does Sarah Silverman hate Mike Fasolo?

2007-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

Hey, anyone see that Sarah Silverman Program on Wednesday?

In an early scene, Sarah and her sister Laura have just finished playing tennis.

Laura says:

"Tennis is so strange. Like, I'll be really into the game and enjoying myself. But then all of a sudden it's like I leave my body and I just think, 'I'm smacking a green ball, that's all I'm doing.'"

First Steven Spielberg, now Sarah Silverman! Who's next? Suzanne Somers?

Why does Tom Root live in an imaginary world?

2007-11-01T13:56:00.000-07:00

Is the tennis ball green in the Bee Movie poster? Yes. I will freely admit that. Do green tennis balls exist? Yes. I’ve already admitted that in a previous post. There are green tennis balls…and red…and blue...and multicolored ones. Today’s technology allows tennis ball manufactures to make many colors. But are tennis balls actually green?

No. Tennis balls are YELLOW.

But I guess, according to Tom and Stephen Spielberg – mostly Tom – as long as this poster, Stephen Spielberg and Hollywood say that tennis balls are green then that is the truth. ‘Cause Hollywood would never use a movie to tell us something that isn't true, would it?

Oh, wait…isn’t that what they do?

Remember the movie Deep Impact? I bet Stephen Spielberg does. Giant asteroid headed toward earth. Caused lots of chaos and destruction. Destroyed cities, killed people, kid outran a tidal wave on a little scooter, whole world thrown into ruin? Yeah, that one. I could be wrong, and feel free to correct me if I am, but I don’t think that really happened. If it did, well, wouldn’t there be a lot more ruin in the world? And wouldn’t the news have reported on the giant asteroid hitting the earth in 1998? I don't recall any such reports.

Stephen Spielberg said it happened in one of his movies though. So it must have happened. Right, Tom? It must be the truth.

But how's this for a deal though? Tom, if you can find me the actual giant asteroid that hit the earth in 1998 and show me the hole it made and all the chaos and destruction that it caused then I will admit Stephen Spielberg tells the truth in his movies and I will consider the possibility that I am wrong.

But until that day tennis balls are still YELLOW. And if Stephen Spielberg says that tennis balls are GREEN then he must be WRONG just like everyone who says they’re green.

Sorry Steve.

Why does Steven Spielberg hate Mike Fasolo?

2007-10-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Remember Mike's rant about tennis balls being yellow? He seemed pretty sure of himself. In fact, if you think tennis balls are green, Mike called you "stupid"!

Soon afterward, this massive billboard went up along Highland Avenue in Hollywood, promoting the new DreamWorks release Bee Movie. Why, it's almost as if Steven Spielberg hit Mike Fasolo in the face with a pie, then kicked Mike in the balls!

See the bee on the billboard? That's a yellow bee. No disputing that. Bees are yellow.

See the tennis ball behind the bee? Well, the tennis ball isn't yellow. The BEE is yellow. What color is the tennis ball?

GREEN.

Yep, that's a giant yellow bee about to be crushed by an UNDENIABLY GREEN TENNIS BALL.

As if for emphasis, the entire billboard is underlined with a yellow stripe.

So why does Steven Spielberg hate Mike Fasolo? To the best of my knowledge, Steven and Mike have never met. So why did Steven just slap Mike in the face with this new billboard?

Shame on you, Steven Spielberg!

Is stupid a color?

2007-08-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

There’s been quite a debate raging among my friends lately. What we’ve been arguing about is a very simple question.

WHAT COLOR ARE TENNIS BALLS??

The two answers that come up the most are Yellow and Green. Of course, anyone who can actually see in color will clearly and quickly state that they are yellow (because they are.) Anyone who doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about will say Green.

For those of you who say Green I will try to use words that are easy to grasp and pictures for you to look at.

This is Yellow. As you can see this is also a Tennis Ball.

Now if you look below you will see what most people refer to as the color Green. It is also a Tennis Ball. Would you call this a yellow tennis ball? No you wouldn't. Why? Because it's green.

They also make Orange, Red, Blue and Purple tennis balls. Should we call these green as well? I guess according to some people we should.

Let's look at the picture below. There are FOUR DIFFERENT color balls here. Yellow, Green, Red and Blue. They are clearly different colors. Anyone who would say there are only Red, Blue and Green balls should really get their eyes and their brains checked.

C'mon, people. Open your eyes. Let in the light...and the color. Tennis balls are yellow.

Where has Mike been?

2007-08-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm glad you asked that question. It turns out that Mike has been having SPECTACULAR ADVENTURES!

It all started one unemployed day when Mike threw his wallet in a dumpster by accident. While digging around for his wallet, he found one of those Hollywood fat suits used for Eddie Murphy movies.

A bell went off in Mike's head. Ding!

With a little makeup, a homemade costume and his newly acquired fat suit, Mike became UNCLE DUDLEY, a member of the Captain Marvel family! (If you are a layperson, Captain Marvel is better known as Shazam.)

Mike was convinced that once he stopped a mugging as Uncle Dudley, he could fool the Marvel Family into letting him join up with him. That might involve murdering the real Uncle Dudley and hiding his body under some high school bleachers, but Mike decided he would cross that bridge when he got to it.

What were the advantages of joining the Marvel Family? Well, they have a sweet-ass hot tub. It's true, it's in the comics. (Whiz Comics #352, Jan. 1954)

Mike immediately ran out into the street to search for crimes to thwart, but he was distracted by the nearest Wienerschnitzel. So instead of fighting bad guys, Mike ate a chili cheese dog and some chili fries and washed it all down with a raspberry iced tea.

Hell of a blog, huh? Well, if Mike's not going to try very hard, I'm not either.

The SHAZAM END!

Pumpkins!

2006-11-01T21:29:00.000-08:00

Halloween has passed but its memory still lingers. And since I didn't get this post up on Halloween I figured I'd post it now.
It's all about pumpkin carving. I think I've carved a pumpkin or at least had a pumpkin in my house/apt every year since...well since I've been born. This year was no different. The first part of the process, of course, is to pick the pumpkin. This usually involves a pumpkin patch.

Then you have to pick the perfect one. You don't want one that's too small.Those can be hard to carve. You don't want one that's too big either because you can't move them and what do you do with an immovable pumpkin when it starts to rot?

You have to pick one that's just the right size.

After that it's all about giving the pumpkin a lobotomy and scooping out all the insides. A pumpkin with its guts still inside doesn't glow very well. The seeds you should save for roasting. Roasted pumpkin seeds are awesome!

Design the pumpkin face you want, pick up a knife and carve away. I try to carve pumpkins that kinda look like people I know.

Kinda looks like me, don't ya think?

After all that was done we put the seeds in the oven for some roasting. Unfortunately things didn't work out quite the way we expected.

But the good news is that the pumpkin came out looking pretty good if I do say so myself. Yay Halloween!

AMC

2006-10-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

What happened to AMC (American Movie Classics). They used to be an awesome station where you could see GREAT movies. They used to play some of the westerns, a load of the old B&W flicks and even some modern movies that could be considered classics. But tonight I was flipping stations and I happened upon AMC and guess what they were playing?

SPEED 2!

How can ANYONE consider this an American Movie Classic. I don't see how unless, of course, you consider it classicly BAD?

Speed 2 is one of the worst movies to ever be created and trust me I know bad movies. This one is even beneath what I would watch.

American Movie Classics...What happened to you? I don't think you could have run out of good movies to put on but even if you did, start repeating them. It's not right to drag the name of your station through the mud by putting on a movie like Speed 2.

I hope this was just a scheduling mistake and that whoever allowed this movie to get on your station is quickly fired.

I don't want to start calling your station American Movie Craptacular.

Please AMC, for the sake of the real movie classics, return to your former glory!

NORTHWEST AIRLINES SUCKS!!!!

2006-09-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

This post is to complain. I usually don't use this blog to bitch and moan but this time it can't be helped. What do I have to complain about?

Yep, NORTHWEST AIRLINES! They suck! Here's my story...
On September 15th I was scheduled to fly out to NY. I buy my ticket online, pick my seat and everything's hunky dorey. When I get to the airport on Septemer 15th, I pick up my ticket but there's no seat assignment. I was told I could get my seat at the gate. "Odd," I think. But nothing to really be concerned about. Oh boy...was that thought wrong.

I get to the gate to get my seat but I'm told I have to wait. So I wait and I wait and I wait and I wait and I wait until everyone else starts to get on the plane. Then, when the plane is all full they tell me (and the 8 others who also couldn't get on the plane) that "We're sorry. Northwest OVERSOLD the flight. Sorry." After taking my money and telling me that I have a seat on the plane they decided that it was ok to simply BUMP ME OFF OF THE FLIGHT BECAUSE THEY'RE INCOMPETENT ABOUT BOOKING FLIGHTS! I was annoyed but since there was nothing I could do I took the FREE ROUNDTRIP TICKET ANYWHERE IN THE 48 STATES they offered.

I figured things were ok - at least for future flights. But, once again, NORTHWEST showed me the error in my thinking that they were a worthwhile airline.

Cut to this week. I planned on going back to NY again. I found some time in my busy schedule and called NORTHWEST to use my free ticket. I booked a great flight at a good time and on the day I wanted. They confirmed that I had a seat and gave me a price. "Well," I said. "I have this free ticket Northwest gave me." I sat back and smiled. A nice trip home with no hassles...but as you can guess Northwest doesn't quite work that way. Here's how the rest of the conversation went down.

"We're sorry, sir, you can't use that ticket."
"Why?"
"There's no more seats."
"But you just confirmed there was a seat."
"That was a seat in the regular coach section. You free ticket only works in the "w" coach section."
"What's a "w" coach section?"
"There's different sections of coach. Your ticket only works in the "w" section."
"Wait a minute. You have a seat on the plane. I have a free ticket you gave me because you bumped me off of another flight, but I can't use it?"
"Right."

TELL ME HOW THAT MAKES SENSE???!!!???
I HATE NORTHWEST AIRLINES!!!

So, after fighting with two ticket people and then fighting with their manager whose final answer to me was, "Well, I'm sorry if it bothers you but that's the way it is."

So NORTHWEST airlines is full of idiots and fools and I will NEVER EVER use them again. I have no idea how many people actually read this blog but whoever does, DO NOT FLY NORTHWEST!!! They suck and will make your travels miserable!!

NORTHWEST SUCKS ASS!!!

Why Mike has been so busy

2006-09-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed that Mike hasn't updated his blog since June. Well, that's because we're heavy into pre-production on Monkey Trouble 2: Simian Shenanigans! That's right, the dream is finally a reality! Principal photography starts October 3 and we're expecting a limited festival run starting in May 2007.

Getting the rights to the Monkey Trouble franchise was a long and arduous task, but it will all be worth it when audiences see Mike Fasolo's life getting turned upside-down by monkey mischief!

Newcomers to this blog might not know that Mike is a classically trained stage actor with credits in Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine and (no joke) Brazillian TV commercials. I know the filmgoing public will fall in love with him. Everyone does!

Anyway, I'm sure Mike will post again soon and keep you updated on this exciting project in his own words. Excelsior!

Utah to Idaho

2006-06-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

Reporting from Idaho Falls, Idaho, I'm Mike Fasolo!

We left Utah today earlier than expected and got on the road quickly. And today there were no nails in tires and no bathroom breaks after only 1 hour. We made it about 2 hours before the first break.

When we passed over the Idaho border I saw the sign that says WELCOME TO IDAHO. I was about to pull out my camera and snap a picture when something bolted out of the bushes and into the road. I swerved and slammed on my break but I was too late. There was a bump, a squeal and in the rear view mirror I saw something collapse on the side of the road. Being the humanitarian I am I backed up the car and got out. I expected to find a turtle or groundhog or squirrel but instead I found a Jackalope!

I know they're supposed to be myths like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and a woman that isn't insane but there it was. A real dead jackalope. Well, I found a sharp rock and cut the things head off then took it to a taxidermy guy and had it mounted. I took a picture to prove that they exist.
I hung it up on the hotel wall in Karen and her parents room so they could be impressed with my hunting prowess.

Uh...so after that moment the rest of the trip into Idaho was pretty uneventful. We drove for about 6 or so hours to get to our destination of Idaho Falls where I found the people were friendly, the town was nice and the lodgings (Hampton Inn) were pretty nice.

This is how the people of Idaho think.

Isn't that sweet?

I will say that Idaho has some weird signs that I didn't quite understand but I guess the Idahoians do.
They have some pretty awesome landscapes.

And that's about it. Tomorrow it's onto Big Sky Country! Woohoo!

Montana Trip - Day 1

2006-06-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's the morning of June 6th and I'm all set for my trip to Montana. I head down to the O.C. to meet up with my chickie and her mom and pops.

We set out at 11:05am with the hopes of heading through Nevada and into Utah by early evening. We were about an hour into the trip when, of course, someone has to pee.
Ok, so I have a small bladder. After the bathroom break we were just about to pull out onto the road when my keen powers of observation noticed something in one of the tires of the car. It was a screw. Someone tried to screw the tire!

So we had to stop for a while longer while I patched the tire with some chewing gum, duct tape and a thigh bone from a dead raccoon we found on the road. It took some time but the patch job was pretty good. By 1:00 we were back on the road again! Woohoo!

The remaining part of the trip was a lot of driving. Nevada was long and hot and rather boring. Utah though was pretty nice. Lots of cool mountains and stuff. Pretty impressive. About 8pm (Utah Time) we arrived at our first stop - Cedar City.

We feasted on Del Taco and Bruno's Italian Deli sandwiches. From there it was a quick swim in the pool then off to beddy-bye because I was a tired little baby.

The journey continues tomorrow at 10am!

Travel

2006-06-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

Montana. Big Sky Country. It's a place I've always wanted to go...and now I'm getting the chance! Woohooo! Road Trip!

Yep, tomorrow morning I will be headed out...hitting the road...moseying along up to the great state of Montana.

Ahhh...doesn't it look peaceful?

It'll take me about three days to get there. I'm not too excited about the drive but once I get there it should be good. I've been reading up on all things Montana to get myself prepared.

I know all about the mountains and the glaciers and the trees.

They've got all sorts of wildlife - bears, foxes, coyotes and big horn sheep.

So I'll do my best to take lots of pictures and get them up here so you can see all about my Montana adventures. But there may be some problems. I've heard rumors of The Crazy Fish Man of Montana. He likes to "catch" people with fishing poles and eat them. I'll try to get on as often as possible to update everyone on my trip but if you don't hear from me for a while...say a month or so...call the montana police and have them find the Fish Man.

New Food

2006-06-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

I was bored today. Shocking, I know. I love being unemployed 'cause I can do whatever I want when I want and however I want. But today I was bored.

I was lying around contemplating...well...nothing except how bored I was.I lay like that for a few hours when an idea came to me. I really don't branch out much in my life. When I go get a sammich I get the same thing. When I go to a restaurant I get the same thing. When I go to the store I buy the same thing. Not much changes in my life. Today, I thought I'd do and try something different. I went through my list of things I'd never thought I'd do and happened upon a good one.

Make kitten stew.

Seemed like a good idea so I figured why the hell not. I wandered into a nice little residential area 'cause there's always a stray cat or two in those places. I found a nice house with some good bushes for cat's to have litter's in and nice families to feed those cats. I knocked on the door, told the nice elderly woman that I was from the animal shelter and heard she had some cat problems and I hit the jackpot. She said a mother cat just had a litter of kittens. She'd tried to catch them but couldn't. I told her I'd be happy to take them to the shelter where we would care for them and make sure they were placed in good homes.

It took me a little while to grab the little bastards but I eventually got 'em all. I gave 'em some drugged milk to settle 'em down a bit then put 'em in my car and drove home.

I pulled 'em out of the box...oh they were so cute and small and kitteny. I felt kinda bad when I bashed 'em on the head with the hammer but it was all for a good cause...to relieve my boredom and expand my horizons.

I de-furred them, threw them into a big soup bowl and pulled out a blender and went to town. I added a few tasty ingredients and voila!

Kitten Stew!

I gotta admit that I wasn't sure I could eat it cause hearing all the little bones crack was kinda gross but as soon as I tasted it I was hooked.

Mmmmmmm...kitten is tasty!

Driving in Cali

2006-05-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

On June 1st, I'll have been a resident of California for exactly 2 years. It took me a little over a year and a half to register my car (shhhh...don't tell the DMV) and it took me till yesterday to get a california drivers license. Yep, as of yesterday, I'm official. I went to the DMV, signed all the paperwork, got my thumbprint and picture taken and then went into take the dreaded Driver's Test.

I'll admit, I was a little scared of this test. The last time I took it I was a teenager and that was a looooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. But it had to be done so I sat down to take it. If you haven't taken it yet the test consists of 36 multiple choice questions with three answers each. And it's all about the rules of driving.

Anyway, the end result was that I passed. I got two questions wrong when you're allowed to get three wrong. And really that should be the end of that...BUT I feel I was cheated on one of the questions. I say my answer should be right but the DMV doesn't agree with me. So that's why I'm telling you. And I'd like some opinions from my faithful readers please. Leave a comment after you read my problem.

Here it is:

The Question reads...Which way should your front wheels be turned when parked uphill next to a curb?
Parallel to the curb
Away from the curb
Toward the curb

Now, logic, at least my logic, says that the wheels should be turned TOWARD the curb. Because if the brakes fail the car will roll back a bit but the rear wheel will hit the curb and stop.
My diagram below demonstrates what will happen with the wheels turned TOWARD the curb.

The DMV and California say the the front wheels should be turned AWAY from the curb. My mind tells me that if the wheels are turned away from the curb and the brakes fail then the car will roll back into the road blocking traffic and causing much havoc.
The diagram below shows what happens if the wheels are turned AWAY from the curb.

And that's my take on it and I think I'm right. Wheels toward curb car OK. Wheels away from curb car not ok.

If anyone can explain this to me the way the DMV believes then feel free. Make me understand.

Memorial Day

2006-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hello gang,

Well, today being Memorial Day I decided to do a Memorial Day post in memoriam of some things that I feel need to be remembered.

My hair.

It's hard to believe, I know, but at one point in my life I had thick, flowing, luxurious hair...LOTS AND LOTS OF HAIR! Where did it all go? Down the drain, mostly. Little by little it abandon my head for the call of the shower drain. Why? I don't know. But that's that. I miss it. And will always remember it fondly.

Socks.

More specificly the socks that get lost in the vast etherial void of the dryer. I discussed this in a post last year about the strange aliens I found in the dryer that steal socks. But I thought it was important to mention them and their sad mates that are left here on the earthly plain without their counterparts. I have many socks that are mateless and I see them sitting in my drawer all alone. I feel bad for them. I also feel bad for the others who are alone in the dryer world. I feel they, and all others like them, should be remembered this day.

Wisdom Teeth.

Not everyone has to have their wisdom teeth taken out (they are the ones who haven't quite evolved enough. They still have Cro-Magnon mouths.) I had all four of mine taken out many, many years ago. Three of them were impacted and sideways. They had to cut into my jaw, chop the teeth up into little pieces then pull the pieces out one by one. It wasn't fun...but the drugs they gave me were! Woohoo! Anyway, I sometimes wonder if I'd be any smarter if they were really "wisdom" teeth. So I do miss them and feel they should not be forgotten on this day.

A Clean Shower.

Back when I was living at home in good old Tuxedo, NY with my mother and father I had a clean shower...mainly because my mother would clean it for me. Yeah yeah, blah blah that's right. My mother cleaned my shower. But now that I'm out here and my mother is still back home I've been forced to do some cleaning myself. And by some cleaning I mean none. So my shower tends to get a little messy. I miss the days of my clean shower because it's sometimes hard to avoid stepping in mold which no one likes to do.

There are a few other things that I miss, like money and having it, but you know...that's how it goes. So anyway, I hope you all enjoyed your day off and did all the great stuff that Memorial Days are supposed to bring.

Day 11

2006-05-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

More exercise today. This unemployment thing where I actually work is getting a little out of hand. But today needed to be done. I was helping a friend move. Yep...she's moving to Portland, Oregon. Who, you ask? Well, Margaret Meyer, of course! Margaret's been in a few of my posts last year so you all should know her. A few of us got together to get her stuff packed in a truck...which we did.

There was Joe, Efram, Rob

Sarah (unshaven)

and myself.

Everyone pitched in and worked pretty hard getting Margaret's stuff out of her apartment and into the truck that would take her far away from us.
I supervise very well. But when everyone started getting a little sweaty and cranky I willingly chose to help them move the heavy stuff. Unfortunately moving can be dangerous as I soon found out. I was inflicted with horrible, deep, pain-filled wound.
I should have been rushed to the hospital and gotten many stitches to hold my finger on, but I just wrapped a paper towel around it and fought through the pain to help Margaret. After nearly 36 straight hours of packing, moving and heavy lifting, we finally got the truck fully loaded. Then it was time to say goodbye to Margaret. So sad.

Good luck in Portland, Margaret! We will miss you!

Day 5, 6, 7 and 8!

2006-05-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

You all thought I'd forgotten about blogging again, didn't you? It's been four days - where's Mike and his exceptionally funny blog posts? He must have forgotten! Well, the truth of the matter is that I didn't forget. I was out of town! But I took lots of pictures and will now update you on all of my adventures!

Friday (Day 5)
My girlfriend Karen, her brother Frank and I were supposed to set out on a trek up to San Francisco.
Didn't happen. Instead we went to see The Da Vinci Code which I enjoyed although I thought the book was better. I jokingly said to one of the protesters outside the theatre that The Da Vinci Code was completely wrong - Jesus wasn't married, he never existed. Well, that didn't go over too well. Karen had to fight off the mob that started beating me with their Jesus Is Love signs. Geez, people, lighten up!

Saturday (Day 6)
Now the adventure begins. We were up and on the road at 7:30am (an ungodly hour) and headed up north. We arrived on San Franciscan soil around 1 and headed straight to the Fishermans Wharf.
There we wanted to get something tasty to eat and head off to see the most famous jail that was ever built - ALCATRAZ!

I learned a lot of facts on the tour of alcatraz. 1). It used to be a military fort to protect the bay of San Francisco. 2). It's an incredibly safe place to be if there's an earthquake and 3). Don't take off your pants and run around making noises like an airplane.
The people in charge tend to not like that sort of thing. And they're more than happy to show the rest of the tour groups that some of the jail cells still work just fine. They are compassionate though and let me out after I had been crying and yelling for my mommy and wetting myself for a few hours.

We were able to finish the tour without incident and headed back to San Fran.

After our long trek we showered, dressed and headed out to the streets of San Francisco to find a place to eat.
Remember the movie A Christmas Story? In the final scene they go to a chinese restaurant and are served a whole duck, head an all. Then the waiter comes and chops off the head. Well, we found that restaurant in Chinatown.
Karen begged us to go so she could see the duck get its head chopped off. Frank and I had to drag her away. Instead we went to a nice little Italian restaurant. I ate salmon.
End Saturday.

Sunday (Day 7)
The reason we headed up to San Francisco was to run in a race called The Bay to Breakers. It's a 7.5 mile run from, you guessed it, the San Francisco Bay Area to the Ocean.

About 100,000 people join in every year and it sometimes gets a little crazy to say the least.
I'm not just talking crowded crazy. I'm talking CRAZY crazy. I saw some things in this race that I didn't think I'd ever see. Take a look for yourselves.

The one thing I was told I would see was a lot of nudity. "Nudity? People run this race naked?" I asked. "Yep. Every year." Well, this got me excited. I figured I'd just stroll along and watch the beautiful bouncing heavenly bodies of nubile athletes (female, of course) jog past me.

Unfortunately this is what I was accosted with.

And you're only looking at the picture! I had to see it live!!!

But I finished the race. No, I didn't run. I walked. Well, actually I ran to get away from the old wrinkly naked people but that was about it.
Then it was a quick jump into the car and head home.

Monday (Day 8)
I slept a lot. Then my friend Matt called. You all remember Matt, right?
He called for my computer expertise in hooking up his cable modem. I got there and things were in complete disarray. But I did what I had to do and got everything organized and eventually got everything up and running for Matt. It only took a 2 hour phone call to Apple Tech Support which Matt made while I sat around and read a magazine.

And that's was my weekend!

Day 4

2006-05-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY May 18th, 2006

Started playing video game - 11:05 a.m.

12:34 pm got stuck. Couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do.

1:52pm - Same spot. Still stuck.

3:31pm - No clues. Still stuck.

5:15pm - Thought different perspective would help...didn't. Still stuck.

6:29pm. Decided to give myself a break. Opened blinds in room and was nearly flashburned by sunlight streaming in.

6:30pm. Brain and eyes needed a rest. Sat on couch for the rest of the night watching movies.

Day 3

2006-05-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

(A little bit of warning...I've been having trouble uploading pictures here for a bit. Not sure why but I'll get to the bottom of it.)

So it's already day three of my unemployment and I feel like my time is slipping away too quickly. I should be doing nothing and yet I have been doing stuff. It's not good for the unemployed to be doing stuff. I should be doing nothing! NOTHING!

Today had some happy moments mixed with sad. I went to lunch with Ms. Margaret Meyer.

Some of you may remember her from last years unemployed posts. Margaret will be leaving California soon. So I wanted to take her to lunch at a little place we dined together often - The Yukon Mining Company.

Why it's called the Yukon when we're in California, they don't explain. But it's quaint, the service is good and friendly and they serve breakfast all day long...that's awesome.

Today I thought I'd try something new...Cat.

It was just like picking out a lobster. The waiter took me into the back to pick out the cat I wanted to eat. Then they hit it over the head with a hammer, throw it into some scalding water to get the fur off and throw it in a frying pan. It was a little strange and disturbing at first but once I tasted the delicious meal they put down in front of me I forgot all about my problems with it. I highly recommend it.

Then I was off to Westwood to meet my girlfriend Karen.

We wandered around Westwood, ate some cookies and icecream, she made me dinner...gnocchi...mmmm...and then I was off again back Hollyood to visit Sarah Meyer

and watch the Season Finale of The Amazing Race. Joining us in our watching was Margaret and Joe.

And then, after that long day of visiting friends and eating my fill of new dishes it was time to come home and flop into bed.

This unemployment stuff is getting to be too much work for a lazy bastard like me.